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Maximizer Interviews Caitlin Cronenberg: Goldwoody

By on April 27, 2015
caitlin cronenberg

Caitlin Cronenberg is a babe; though we are not really here to talk about the fact that she wants my body, we are here to talk about the awesome new super group called The Plateaus. Caitlin directed the music video for it, and it is indeed rad. Only because she directed it. I mean if anyone else directed it I would of hated it. So this super group is made up of Tim (WHOOPS A DAISY) I meant Somerset, Ethan Hawke, Jay Baruchel, Eugene levy, David Cronenberg, Sam Roberts, Billy Talent. Oh man! This is exhausting, there’s others, just watch the video and read this bizarre interview. I have interviewed many peeps on Goldwoody from Seth Rogen to Tom Green, though she is my fav.

GW: Love your work!

CC: Obviously.

GW: Caitlin this project is unique and alluringly divine, how did this idea come about, do tell?

CC: Well, I met with the band to discuss what they wanted, and it turned into a very intense yelling battle. Somerset was quiet, but Davian kept saying “BOLOGNA! BOLOGNA!” And from that, the video was born.

GW: What statement are you making on with The Plateaus, I mean you have quite a few flavors in there?

CC: Butter pecan.

GW: Was it hard getting everyone together on this?

CC: I generally keep a closet of celebrities at all times in case of emergencies like this. I had forgotten to feed Ethan Hawke for a week or so, so once he got his strength back we were good to go.

GW: Where did you shoot all these clips and over how long?

CC: This magical video was created in Toronto and Sudbury. Two days in Toronto and 39 seconds in Sudbury.

GW:The recording of the song, I mean the lyrics speak for themselves, though when you play this. How does it make you Caitlin, feel?

CC: Well I had heard a recording of the song, but when shooting the video I thought it would be better if the band sang without a recording each time. It made editing a bitch, but I didn’t think about that at the time. Or later. I like when they sing it live. They are like my puppets.

GW: Well it makes me feel like you are poking fun at the indie-art-house-heritage-hipster movement, though in a unique way in cinema and sound. Am I wrong?

CC: Yes. Always wrong.

GW:Who was the most reluctant at first joining The Plateaus, before you warmed them up and gave them the figure-of-eight-back-rub of confidence?

CC: I supposed I was the last one to join. I made us all band t-shirts and joined the band. Then they told me I was only directing the video and I wasn’t part of the band. Then I punched them. That’s why they are wearing masks for a portion of the video.

GW: My favorite (kind of) metaphor is one I made up called “tears in camouflage” whats yours?

CC: I don’t think that is even a metaphor. I don’t believe in metaphors. They are witchcraft.

GW: So true! Tim Fletcher is one of the nicest guys you could ever meet, though this can be a problem.

CC: I don’t know anybody by that name.

GW: Sorry though that wasn’t question, though we would still love an answer from you…?

CC: What?

GW: Would you also agree a wee bit that this project was made to break the monotony, as we are all swimming in so much agonizing sounds and bad t-shirts?

CC: There is no such thing as a bad t-shirt. Life is monotony. Even things that are meant to break it are monotonous. Life is a giant monkey

GW: It wasn’t frustrating directing such amounts of flavors?

CC: It wasn’t not ice cream.

GW: Jay Baruchel wasnt too much of a little monkey with wings?

CC: Jay’s wings don’t work to fly. Like a penguin.

GW:I love the black and white; though this may seem vapid, its not. What is your favourite colour?

CC: Black and white.

GW: I miss the colour purple; not the film where Oprah Winfrey got raped in, the actual colour. I love the 90’s and everyone wore that colour then.

CC: That is nice.

GW: This Plateaus video has a 90’s feel. You must have a huge haunted electric feel of the 90’s, growing up with a prodical father in that time and all?

CC: What?

GW: The Plateaus Drive-By Essay time Caitlin! Is that Ok, sweetie?

CC: Don’t call me sweetie.

GW: Your father David Cronenberg) and Eugene Levy. Describe them collectively in three words?

CC: Canadian, Glasses, Dads

GW: Jay Baruchel; He’s from Montreal, and certainly dosent give a flying fuck what they think about him. Can you describe what his wings look like?

CC: Montreal is only good for one thing. And that is bagels. If you want to talk about wings, it’s going to cost you.

GW: Ethan Hawke is smoking away there, everyone loved the fact that he’s there. If Ethan was a drug would you be hooked on him?

CC: I don’t do drugs.

GW: What makes him Shine?

CC: Geoffrey Rush

GW: Sam Roberts I am lost on. Where can you see him the most? Every time I look for him in my coffee cup, he makes a run for it.

CC: You can see him right there. Right there in the video.

GW: The Cheese nose. in the video is genuis by way. Did you take a bite?


GW: Billy Talent; lovely chaps, as a whole, four words who are they to you?

CC: Floor sitters. Blood drinkers.

GW: Walk Off The Earth; says it all really. Kisses to you all. Right?

CC: What?

GW: D-Sisive seems like that guy called Russell who got named that because he got caught moving around in a pile of leaves. Which makes him; divine. Would you agree?

CC: No. But that’s because you don’t make any sense.

GW: We all know about Tim; he’s a pleasant fiasco with thighs. Though the other YNG LUV, please tell us on one word, why?

CC:I still don’t know who you are talking about. There are no Tim’s here.

GW: Though you now, Caitlin why are you such a cryptic creature?

CC: Seven.

GW: In compete darkness we are all the same it is only our knowledge and wisdom that separates us. Don’t let your eyes deceive you. Would you agree?

CC: Absolutely not. I don’t think we can agree on anything.

GW: Love The Pateaus SWEETIE and looking forward to more.

CC: Obviously.

About Gold Woody

One Comment

  1. George Noston

    April 28, 2015 at 4:40 pm

    This is so deep. I’m glad someone finally took a stand against making any sense. Thank you all!

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